It’s amazing how ridiculous are some of the questions we all get asked sometimes at work.
The problem is, if you’ve been doing something for a long time (mending cars, building websites, town planning) you can’t imagine what it’s like to not know at least the basics.
Many people underestimate how much they actually know about a subject, partly because are surrounded by peers that know as much or more, and partly because what once seemed new and powerful knowledge now seems old hat.
The point is that for most of us a good deal of our target market are virgins to our industry (first mortgage, wedding, car, website, baby, colonic irrigation, consultant).
Explaining fundamental concepts to new customers may be as annoying as hell sometimes, but if you hold their hand to begin with, they may let you be their first.
thomas valaitis customer services, reputation new customers, stupid questions
Great news! You can tell your staff (or yourself) that from now on it’s ok to be rude to customers.
I know this is true because nice things make you fat.
Pork and Beer and Wine and Crisps and Banoffee and Sausages make you fat.
Being nice to customers doesn’t make you fat.
Case closed.
If only I had figured this out as quickly as government departments and telecoms companies.
thomas valaitis customer services
10 ways not to answer the phone
- “what!”
- “hang on”
- (silence)
- “welcome to (insert business name)…Press 1 for sales, press 2….”
- “so I told him he can just go fuc…Oh, hello”
- “whazzzzzzzzuuuuuuuup”
- “not another one!”
- “can I help” (YUK)
- “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaachooooooo”
OK, I only have 9, so I wont waste your time. Go make some money.
thomas valaitis customer services, reputation
Everyone knows the type;
Wears next to nothing, often a bitch, spends most weekends and evenings on all fours.
But is it appropriate to bring pets into work?
Some people love dogs and some people hate dogs. Most people sit firmly in one camp. It’s not important to please everybody, and companies that try usually have no identity. However, you also have to consider the possibility of alienating the one important visitor that could change everything.
note: If you run a butchers, cattery or sexual health clinic this should be an easy decision.
thomas valaitis customer services, random, reputation
Can you trust the average dog owner to pick up a big steaming turd and pocket it, unless someone is watching them?
How do you think that translates to customer service?
thomas valaitis customer services, staff customer services, dogs, turd
Well, one thing is for sure; there is no way your competitors can possibly be offering anything “better” than you.
On that basis your customer can only be stupid not to have used your service/product.
A stupid customer makes for pointless feedback, so don’t bother asking what made the difference.
Hang up the phone, perhaps preceding this action with a small derogatory remark, such as “idiot”.
Don’t wish them all the best, if things don’t work out with the alternative supplier, it’s their tough luck and you wont want their money second time around, recession or not!
thomas valaitis customer services alternatives, competitors, feedback
Go for the lowest possible price, it’s the only way to gain market share and build a customer base. Compromise on quality, customer service, packaging (or presentation), service, speed…you name it, ditch it.
No good or sustainable business models are built on these other attributes (try calling your telecoms / gas / electricity / insurance etc provider and you’ll see)
thomas valaitis customer services, success strategies customer services, market position, pricing, quality
There are a couple of options for you here.
- Free phone (0800)
- Pros: makes customers feel valued and confident to call you. Easily transferable (when you move office for instance).
- Cons: customers waste more of your time and more of your money
- Low call rate (0845)
- Pros: Limits your customers costs, also easily transferable.
- Cons: Not a strong message that says we value your calls, or conversely make sure your call is necessary.
- Local number
- Pros: Open, honest, local and accountable.
- Cons: May alienate folks in other parts of the country. Hard to move around.
For the smart business woman there is only one type of number to choose however. Nothing says “I’m here to make money” more than a premium telephone number.
So when choosing a number, just ask yourself: are you in business to make friends or money? It’s another no brainer.
thomas valaitis customer services, technology
The most important outcome in any negotiation is to reach agreement. Unfortunately not all clients or prospects are as clever as you and so often you will be forced to argue and talk over them until they understand what is right. If you find yourself in this situation, do not be deterred, do not give in and MOST IMPORTANTLY do not listen to the person with whom you are talking. Listening to other ideas and perspectives will distract your from your argument and you may find the conversation heading off at a tangent.
thomas valaitis customer services, success strategies
Making somebody feel stupid is a great way of demonstrating how knowledgable you are. Be sure to use words and language unique to your industry that nobody but an insider would understand.
It’s a great way of clarifying your position as an industry insider and their position as stupid.
thomas valaitis customer services