….when dealing with Xritish Telecoms customer service.
Any business referred to in this post is entirely fictional (or at least, their customer service is).
Rant over.
“wow, what a beautiful looking web page, I can’t put my finger on why but if feels so nicely balanced and classy”
“thank you”
“but could you just increase the font size…by 6 pixles say, and make the font a primary blue colour”
“ahhh err but”
“and could you make the soft round frames straight, and a dark red colour”
“now I really wouldn’t…”
“and that picture of a leaf…could you swap it for a big neon cock”
“can’t we jus…”
“and can we have pop ups, millions and millions of pop ups” (slightly more manic and evil voice now)
“but….”
“and and and, orange juice..I want orange juice on the page, and a fire engine, and and and a big flash animated cracken tearing up the prices, yes now we’re cooking”
bad customer…go sit on the naughty step (once you have paid my bill).
Saving documents before they are completely finished is an unnecessary waste of time for losers that aren’t capable of remembering not to shut an application before they finish wri
Make a point of telling everybody you come into contact with, that Microsoft only makes rubbish software. Their spreadsheet program, operating system, media player, browser, word processing, presentation (etc etc etc etc etc)….all a load of crap.
The fact that you wont buy or use anything else is irrelevant. The fact that you learned to use a computer using their software is irrelevant. The fact that your business probably runs of this software doesn’t matter.
You are cool, Microsoft is not.
You may also like to spread opinions about the latest open heart surgery techniques, and how to cook Panda so that it’s not too chewy and tastes just so.
Yes, you should always listen to your programmers. Let them give you advice on:
But most of all, if they give you an eta, trust that you can put your mortgage on it.
Don’t waste money on expensive tapes, hard drives, external drives, off site storage, online storage, usb flash memory etc etc etc…
Just keep everything in your head. You’ll never lose it, drop it, get it stolen, forget it’s password. You may crash it, but you might not give a damn about your business at this point anyway.
The really anal amongst you may also want to keep a copy of all electronic data (emails, word documents) on a single device, say a laptop, as backup to your head…but if you do, make sure you don’t waste another second of time backing this device up too.
